Good evening Fit-Fam!!! Tonight I thought I would share a letter with you all. I was always told at the beginning of this weight loss journey, to write a letter to my future-self for when I need motivation, and so I did. Over one year ago, I wrote to myself. Tonight, I will share that letter with you and also write a reply letter to my past self. If this doesnt touch your heart, you might need to check your pulse.
I come to you tonight to offer a memory. It is March 20th 2013, and I currently weigh 240.2 pounds. Is it silly to write myself a letter when I am not even sure that I will ever change? Maybe... I want to lose weight. I know I have said that a thousand times, and I always give up. I am still not even sure that this will be any different, but tonight I had to buy new underwear because my other underwear are cutting too tightly into my hips. They are a size XXL. I honestly don't know how I let this happen... I don't understand why when I look in the mirror, I dont feel "THAT BIG." I am completely in denial. 240 pounds isnt THAT bad...right? Wrong. I am so miserable. If I ever follow through with this weight loss thing, and should ever NEED to read this, I guess the truth is better motivation than anything. I am miserable. I hide it well with a smile, but I still cry in the fitting rooms, and thats IF I even go clothes shopping anymore. They dont make cute clothes for "fat girls." I have a lot of "fat" friends who are absolutely as happy as can be with themselves. Why can't I be like that? I swear I fake it so often but I don't even look in the mirror anymore... I spend more time hiding from the camera, than I do actually enjoying myself. I rarely even go places anymore because I dont want to be seen like this... I hate when people watch me look through the clothing racks. It is absolutely humiliating to be seen grabbing the very last hanger in the back because I need size "whalephant." If by some act of God, you are reading this letter for motivation to keep pushing forward, hear me out. I am not happy. Underneath it all, I swear to you, I am not happy and I beg you to please not let me live my life like this. My husband and kids deserve so much better than this.....
Sincerely, Fat Girl.
Dear "Fat Girl,"
I come to you tonight to offer you a much needed lift in your spirits. The year is 2015... I first of all, want to say, that you are a STRONG WOMAN. Absolutely every broken piece of you has been held together because you have a heart of gold. I hope that you knew somewhere in your heart that you had it in you, all along. I know this because I am you, over one year later. You are not a "fat-girl" anymore. You are not miserable anymore. You have fought against the wind, and walked uphill in the dark, backwards, blind, to fight your way to this point. NOTHING about the last year was easy, but every triumph shook off a few of those demons that used to hold you back. You ran a 5k without stopping. You can officially go clothes shopping without crying, and you certainly do NOT have to pick from the back of the racks anymore! You have lost 95 pounds! You went from someone who knew NOTHING about nutrition, to a Certified Personal Trainer! You never stop smiling, and you walk with your head held high. It is amazing to be able to be around people and for once NOT wonder if they think you are fat. It is amazing to be able to get dressed, and NOT have to change clothes because of the way things fit. Nothing hugs too tightly, and nothing fits your shape awkwardly anymore. Yep- thats right! You have a shape! I know you were a broken soul before, but I need you to know that you were still able to succeed. I come to you tonight, proud. I am here to prove you wrong, because I always said one day I would. One day I would beat the odds; I would lose the weight. I know that behind that chubby smile was a LOT of depression, and today, both the depression and the chubby smile have packed up and left. You, are worth it. You were ALWAYS worth it, dearest fat girl. You just needed to prove it to yourself, because after all, you were the only one who didnt believe you could do it. Congratulations on your success, hot-stuff! Now lets go change lives!
Sincerely, Sarie. the NOT-fat-anymore-girl. xoxoxoxoxo